Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
