i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
