Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
