is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
