so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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