Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
