please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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