He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
