I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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