and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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