Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
