I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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