My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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