Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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