I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
