i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
