I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
