YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
