You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
