Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
