My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
