Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
