That's when you crack a 10am beer
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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