Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
