yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
