Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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