My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
