We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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