I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
