took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
