I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
