She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
