Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
