she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
