Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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