If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
