Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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