You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
