Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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