Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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