your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
