I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
