My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
