The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
