i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
