laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
