I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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