i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
