I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
