Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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